the fuck am i suppose to do with this
i have honestly never laughed so hard in my entire life
(Source: boutchu)
Tracks
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(I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
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Me:
“So, where’s your mom at?”
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Boy:
“She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
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Me:
“Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
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Boy:
“Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
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(I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
(Source: lustik)
(Source: me-tina-are-mad-pooper)
Jack Dawson… Penniless artist who wins a ticket onto Titanic in 1912, attends a first class dinner, develops a taste for the finer things in life, pockets the Heart of the Ocean, survives the sinking, pawns the diamond, spends the following ten years building his wealth and in 1922 moves to West Egg as Jay Gatsby… Millionaire with a shady past and fear of swimming pools.
What a legend.
That little girl at the end is like fuck yes
I’ve been waiting for this gifset lol
“Well, now that you put it that way, it makes perfect sense.”
(Source: umwoah)
Try out a cool way to separate egg yolks from egg whites!
this is genius.
this is actually lifechanging
AND THEN YOU CAN STORE THEM!!!1
